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woahh ho, here I am, thinking I am so in love with GIS and Tineye, and lo and behold, I almost take art job. someone emails me with such a rude act of neglecting to leave a subject (boohoo hoo, I have standerds, bite me), They were a little bit cryptic at first, and did not tell me right up where they found me (yes, customers? but where do I advertise?)
so they tell me they found my gmail from guru.com (thinking when you don't pay for your account they hide it)
so yes! happy day, with an email written with lexicon and syntax I do not experence much. My paranoia and cynisism tell me the mean things in my ear, more and more when I see what I am doing.
OOH but Joy, payment? willing to, I guess it's something I should take, two 14x16's for $300?(who's getting ripped off?). with a future 7 images in total. People in my life convince me to do the thing I eat people for, to paint over, because they could like that, or they don't need to know, that I invest $? to paint over a photo on a canvas. after all, they say "we want this", and many people pay to have people paint over photos. I tell the people in my life "NO NO, that is dishonest, that is wrong, but maybe you are right, they want two paintings by may 20th and this time here, it's april 10th."
OH and exciting friday! I get an urgent email and a knock on the door! I am told a sponcer has accepted this project! and I get a check for a little under $3,000! NOw, I have no clue what to do or think, lucky I live with the stepfather, and he can help me not faint from confusion. seeing how, "you know, I had no knowlage of this 3rd party and the fact I was to get 50% of $300 now, and the rest after sending the art" so now they are paying for all 7? An email that was sent, with the notification of check states "I implore you cash this right away".
Ok, so I have the dumb things I do, like "oh ok so where do I send it to exactly, I see part of an adress, so I guess it goes to the name in this email, and i am ignoring the fact it dosen't look like a full street adress, maybe they will give me the whole one when I say "yay I'm done with art" or what ever
plus the fact I thought I was going to get a personal check.
OH and I ran the photos into GIS, all mighty tineye had nothing. but GIS have me hits to a user on fiverr who did the same images, only when people want you to "make into a digital painting" a photo.
my stepdad's bank is looking into the check, they say the payment on it is a common scammer thing. I had sent them the email of "i'm going to send this back, this is not our agreement, it was supposed to be $300 for two, then we talk about the rest"
is there a way I can scam the scammers? or do these people exist, and like, they are unhappy with the images from fiveer and are like, "NOOO we want a real painting/drawing"
antibully people are crying to death right now, because if they were going to scam me. the'll be hell to pay. and they feel that nobody deserves to be bullied, for no reason. Kind of like how a short skirt dosen't say "rape me" or a boy wearing a pink carebears shirt dosen't mean you should make him kill hisself.
so they tell me they found my gmail from guru.com (thinking when you don't pay for your account they hide it)
so yes! happy day, with an email written with lexicon and syntax I do not experence much. My paranoia and cynisism tell me the mean things in my ear, more and more when I see what I am doing.
OOH but Joy, payment? willing to, I guess it's something I should take, two 14x16's for $300?(who's getting ripped off?). with a future 7 images in total. People in my life convince me to do the thing I eat people for, to paint over, because they could like that, or they don't need to know, that I invest $? to paint over a photo on a canvas. after all, they say "we want this", and many people pay to have people paint over photos. I tell the people in my life "NO NO, that is dishonest, that is wrong, but maybe you are right, they want two paintings by may 20th and this time here, it's april 10th."
OH and exciting friday! I get an urgent email and a knock on the door! I am told a sponcer has accepted this project! and I get a check for a little under $3,000! NOw, I have no clue what to do or think, lucky I live with the stepfather, and he can help me not faint from confusion. seeing how, "you know, I had no knowlage of this 3rd party and the fact I was to get 50% of $300 now, and the rest after sending the art" so now they are paying for all 7? An email that was sent, with the notification of check states "I implore you cash this right away".
Ok, so I have the dumb things I do, like "oh ok so where do I send it to exactly, I see part of an adress, so I guess it goes to the name in this email, and i am ignoring the fact it dosen't look like a full street adress, maybe they will give me the whole one when I say "yay I'm done with art" or what ever
plus the fact I thought I was going to get a personal check.
OH and I ran the photos into GIS, all mighty tineye had nothing. but GIS have me hits to a user on fiverr who did the same images, only when people want you to "make into a digital painting" a photo.
my stepdad's bank is looking into the check, they say the payment on it is a common scammer thing. I had sent them the email of "i'm going to send this back, this is not our agreement, it was supposed to be $300 for two, then we talk about the rest"
is there a way I can scam the scammers? or do these people exist, and like, they are unhappy with the images from fiveer and are like, "NOOO we want a real painting/drawing"
antibully people are crying to death right now, because if they were going to scam me. the'll be hell to pay. and they feel that nobody deserves to be bullied, for no reason. Kind of like how a short skirt dosen't say "rape me" or a boy wearing a pink carebears shirt dosen't mean you should make him kill hisself.
making things worse
looking back thinking back going back. anxiety and the way this site is set up now. frustrating. hollow. I think i ruined my life.
this is terrible
a lot of my life, to much of my life, has been drama and internet heavy. and this is just a blog here. I've runined my life, professional life, social life. I need to put every thought down. I need an audiance for the world. and yet I think it can be a secret life. and there is so much loss. the internet is to important to me. and when sites go down or change(why did you change facebook?) i am left with an emptyness. this is torture. and I deserve every bit of it. I've done nothing. rapid cycle rumination. all my names, my real name, myself. condemmed. it's not the same and I can't stop careing and just move on.
yearly review
i don't know if i'll ever really be into this as I was. minus the drama and envy. I'll never get over envy. and I still never think I'll be good enough to be "a thing" here. the networking is to hard. it's not just this site. I had been diagnosed with cancer last year, had a masectomy, almost done with immunotherapy, done with chemotherapy. her2 positive breast cancer. I still don't think I've matured any I'm also unnecessarily grieving my loss of my elfwood account, and the writing part . I never backed up anything, had it on another site, printed on paper. my mom says I was such a good writer, and those writings I did in 1999 or 2000 are now gone. it hurts. and it's not like the wayback machine would show an archive, I don't even know what my username was. one of the characters I had, and names used, back in 1999. the gryphon's guild doesn't wayback to 1999, where I could of found a character name from then. I don't even have my email from then. I wont even't have my log in for
i forget how to draw
maybe I do, or maybe I was never too good. like at people. like if I wanted a group of human(oid) bodies together as if it were, a group shot you would see in promotional art for a show. or any kind of merchandising. with an exciting fun layout . fr15503sil22x34-3.jpg (1212×1754) (shoptrends.com) ows.png (675×900) (d9jhi50qo719s.cloudfront.net) things like this. with movement and such but it's not like I can ask a bunch of people to stand together, and I take a photo and trace the layout. and I can't use a base commercially. plus I feel that is lame cheating. given I really should do what I want to do with this.
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