i haven't been on my own creative, full of doing. finishing things. sometimes I get bord and need a new thing, resulting in fretting over unfinished work, like my fake taxidermy animal I was making, and some ponies I tried to recreate classic art with
as well as self endused stress and confusion on how to be more a sensual sexual person, as I read maybe a lack of oh lala partnered lovey dovey sexorama is a big thing about how maybe i am so mopey. which is hard and giving me a harder time copeing with my self and "tee hee everyone grows at their own pase" which I can only do it with slut shaming when I hear of "I wuz having sex dreams at 8 and sucked my first dick at 10 he was 13 and my best friends cuzin oh man now I can't stop"
I can see if i was abused, being adverting to intimacy and all this but I wasn't. and to be such a late bloomer is painful. I wonder what life would of been like to have had "that" be in my life at the normal age of 12.
which i read now, maybe that is my problem. I missed the boat. i never got to "play", and I read other's experances. they "played doctor" young. maybe if I had lookytouchysharing time with others when I was 4 I would be sane, maybe if I was given sex toys and soft porn at 14 I would be raring to go
but i am making myself miserable at how to be cured. that then i will never be fully calm and ready, that i am dysfuntional, that i am shy about it.
did you know some sex therapy includes mass masturbation sessions with other women where they want you to scream and moan as loud as you can?
and that everyone at their core is pansexual and "anything goes" and demanding orgasams right out of the womb?
that some sex experts think asexuality is a choise that they don't understand why anyone would want that life style?
now if that is no reasy to call someone a dumb slut what is? good thing the one woman who is more of a money maker than a doctor learned it and may still learn about that.
maybe if i make dragon dildo jokes near children it can help.
and seeing people's experances makes me wonder -why- exposure is illegal. come on, if I see another person who raped pillows while looking at her daddy's playboys when she was 6 and thinking about humping Jim Carry I am going to shove a drawing of The Hulk having a BDSM session with a Tyranosaurs rex into the faces of naughty little twerking children.
so many balls it's a rocky moutain oyster fest.
but anyway. I don't think I can easil "play to learn" with one i don't find attractive. I don't experance it much, so when some dude has the look of "eeeiioouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahyoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i must have him omg" I feel like never giving up. I mean I can say "your girlfriend should share u with me, I gots astrocytomas on my brainstem"
that'll work. right?
or just bite my lip and delude myself to sex up everyone, seeing as how that is the woman's default according to some experts. society and culture make us feel bad and warp us to be in this mood and mindset
i think those people should fund my therapy and journey. they are making me feel awful learning from their things, and it is so hard not to want to troll their sites with fake stories. I go to the one, and so many times its some girl and someone 2 or 3 years older than her. nothing sounds more rapey than "i was 11 he was 13, he smiled at me and invited me to play he touched me I touched him it was wonder full, I love summer camp"
yeah, I wonder what "I was 13 they were 11 and coutrious about bodies, I let them explore mine, it was wonderful, I touched them too"
damnit. what is that?
i'm distraught. I need this maybe, it will make me happy. science say so.